Well...
I'm a failure.
I vowed to myself that i wouldn't cut again.
I did it anyways.
And the next day was the worst day of my life and you know what?
I was 5 seconds away from cutting myself.
But..
I stopped myself. and...i'm happy somehow.
This doesn't make sense.
Nothing makes sense.
I stopped myself from cutting on one of the worst days of my life
but, on a normal day where i was just feeling bad
i couldn't.
What the fuck is up with that?
Whatever. I'll try harder this time.
I swear.

I'm Surprised

People actually know my name.
People actually talked to me today.
This is....Well this is amazing.
I guess i'm not as invisible as i thought i was?
I also wore my Halo shirt today.
Cute guy behind me talked to me.
"You like Halo?"
"Oh...Yeah. You?"
"Yeah. You played ODST yet?"
"Mmm..unfortunately no. It good?"

And then he went on to fanboy mode and talked about how it was the best thing since sliced bread and it was better than Halo 3 and i should totally play it ASAP.
It was Cute.

Things never change do they.

I've always told people not to get comfortable because life likes to lure you into a false sense of security and then bitch slap you across the face.
Unfortunately i never listen to my own advice.
School has been fine. As fine as it can be. Its just the same feeling of Deja Vu over and over again.
The same "You've said that before" and "We already know this" Feelings.
No. School isn't the problem. Its my fucked up brain that won't ever let me be happy. I've reverted to sitting in corners and crying till i can't feel anything anymore. Now I'm no doctor but that can't be healthy.
Right now all i want to do is grab these scissors in front of me and stab myself in the face.
But i won't. Because it hasn't become unbearable yet.
I'll wait until this feeling has passed.
It'll pass. I'm sure.